Here Goes. . .

I had originally sent this as an email and message to a few people who have shared an interest in our journey in foster and adoption, if you didn't get this it's not because I omitted you - I just know these days fostering / adopting is all I really talk about... - however over the last few weeks so many others have asked about how everything is going and it is so in depth really hard to squeeze it all visually into words much less on paper errr... digital space? More so importantly it gives us a chance to shout out - how Incredible our God is!

....Here Goes....

I feel like I am running a constant rat race between all of the appointments - I need to write one mass email to everyone who has gracefully cared to check on us and X... Well here goes, grab yourself a cup of Joe because it's lengthy ~ so many people have asked how he is doing and what is happening... this is as close as I can get on paper/ e mail (and now blog) - so sorry in advance for it being lengthy....

Last week (November 2011) X had a permanency hearing, we were uncertain on what to do as we have never attended one, I called his CPS caseworker to see if she wanted us to go, she said ask the ad litem.... So I called him, and his response was this...

"The family court system is an open forum to the public anyone is welcome to go" Well nice ... But are we needed?? As you and I both know that is a crazy drive to make and I am already going nonstop running around as it is not to mention I will have to make special arrangements for X since I won't be able to care for him if I do go. Again he (the ad litem) said I could go but it was entirely up to me. I have prayed on many things since we have had X in our home, to give you a glimpse of those prayers, Please help this little boys heart have some of your sweet peace, Please help this little guy adjust into our home, please guide us on what doctors are needed to help him heal and recover from his injuries both physical and emotional, please oh please let us be able to adopt him - ahhh that last one I mentioned... Changed over the course of a couple of months... I saw my want and selfishness in that prayer and really it was gimme things that I really had not searched in my heart of hearts. Something changed in the whole seriousness of what was going on in X's little life, he needed a permanent home to just love him and be there for him, one that would let him blossom and fully thrive into a Good purpose greater than ours.

I woke up Thursday morning @ 4 am realizing I really don't own nice clothes to attend court ... Frustrated I though on a casual sweater and jeans... Justified wearing sneakers as I was walking in downtown Joseph would watch X along with the help of Noel as he was still going to work - so X would be going to work with papa Joe on this day as well - One of the things I have learned this far in fostering is that unless you have a very familiar back up caregiver, it's just not great leaving them... Not good for the child and can be very stressful for the person who hasn't cared for him or her or a child who has a higher level of constant demand for whatever needs he or she may have. So I made it to downtown Houston... I vaguely recalled how much Houston traffic stinks and I mean in a sense of driving in it.... It can test your vocabulary and compassion for others on why they feel the need to cut you off just to get a car length ahead of you... Or the need to ride my bumper... Or the urgency of where they have to be appears to be more important than anyone else.

As I sat there observing other cases, my heart broke for the desperation for the young lady on the bench in front of me wanting her children back... I should have asked her if I could pray for/with her and I missed that chance to do so on the many times she left and returned to the court room because of losing her ability to not to cry .

X's cases was last to be heard... I had shown some pictures to his ad litem before we were called just so he could see how he was doing and in case the judge was curious... The judge seemed nice enough but yet very stern and unwilling to really listen to what anyone had to say including me (even after asking me if I had anything to say) He also so kindly mentioned that this has become some kind of contest with all those who are involved on the legal teams that he can't say what kind of contest it was because it would go on permanent record. He stated that there would be a trial in February.... And prior to that there needed to be a mediation so that everyone could try and come to some sort of agreement - Did I mention this entire time I was standing there less than an arms distance from X's biological mom??? The judge then asked her if there was anything she wanted to ad... And she said yes , since the last hearing she had met a family that was in her aunt and uncles church that was willing to adopt X and that she wanted a home study on them and that WHEN they passed she would relinquish her rights to him as her mom and let them adopt him.... My headed started spinning as so my stomach as the judge ordered CPS to do the home study for consideration. It never ceases to amaze me at how our minds can run a million and 1 thought processes - and still hear what is going around you absorbing it all in - in a split second I felt my heart rise up into my throat and at the same time fall... Did he just order a home study to be done on a family that has no idea who X is, and X has no relation or idea who they are????? Seriously?? The judge all of the sudden asked me how did I feel and all that could come out was that " I am concerned" before he cut me off on my full thought, with "WE ARE ALL CONCERNED" this is a difficult case! When all I needed to say was that I was concerned on the progress X has made, the bond he formed with us, that he only just turned 2 a week prior to this date and that we WE are the only family he has known as an actual family for the last year of his life of having 5 homes including his birth home... In under 17 months of living, but I never was given that opportunity to finish that thought. At some point the lawyers and judge were discussing legal jargon when X's ad litem asked mom if she wanted to see the pictures I brought to court... ( I literally had them developed less than 24 hours prior) she said yes, I glanced over and my reserved shyness dissipated in an instance as I looked at her take them in her hands and slowly thumb through each one observing them, as I wondered what she thought as she looked at them, and then fell out with out me even thinking... If you would want those, you are welcomed to them - If you know me more than a hug or hand shake, you know I am very reserved and to myself at first... This ??? This was NOT me. I mean I just wouldn't talk openly and expose my thoughts- well they weren't my thoughts I was too busy observing her look @ his perfect smile and precious face.... @ some point during the process another family becoming considered for X's forever home, I just said OH GOD..... FATHER ..... Please help me keep it together, Lord please do not let me fall apart in here, and God please let you perfect plan for X unfold and if another home has your blessing on raising this little boy... Please let me have peace and strength in you and every judgement I had in my mind about his mom didn't matter anymore it was gone, the accusation of how could you, why would you, didn't matter as if it didn't exist... And what I saw was a young mom searching in her heart for something just as I was... She said yes to keeping those photos as we both just stood there, I realized at that time we both were lost in the uncertainty of what would happen we both shared a unique interest no matter the underlying reason it was a shared emotion that was unspoken.

Just when I thought it was all said and done.... The ad litem asked her, her uncle and myself into the hallway... And called the uncle into another room... and she and I stood there in that empty hallway... In silence... Again words fell out of my mouth - I just want you to know your son has been such a blessing to not only our family but to many others that have come to know him... And we have been honored and blessed to be a part of his journey... And she looked with a pause... And said thank you... And within seconds a ton of her own reserved thoughts surfaced... Are you a Christian home? Yes, Do you and your family attend church? Yes, Do you have your own children??? Yes... 3 daughters and 1 son.... DJ 21 - who just recently got out of the army, Tre 19 who just graduated high school this past year... And my youngest 2 12 and 13 Noel and Sabrina who are both at home with me home schooled... Probably for their last year as they both express an interest in going to public school for the various activities... In my head as all of this is falling out I had this little voice saying shut up... She doesn't care or need to know any of this but it kept coming out ... She then said - I just want my son to go to a home where I know he is loved, loves God, will share pictures and letters and let me know how he is doing, and without even thinking about it... I said WE COULD AND WOULD DO THAT!!!! And as quick as I said that she too said GOD told her while standing before that judge today when she saw me... She felt that she was being told to reconsider leaving X where he is... In in the same breath I will sign over my rights today, at that time tears resurfaced and that same request of Lord please help me maintain composure also came out... And the door swung open and the ad litem called us both in there, and he told her I came on my own freewill today... That I was not asked, or told to come and that I am here because we also care about her son. She told him that we talked and she wanted us to raise him she wanted us to be his forever family... And said okay that he would start working on the paper work and the he personally would handle the adoption! The mom and I exchanged numbers, and hugs, and went our own way after riding down the elevator.... So many emotions I held myself together feeling like I had to keep myself on the ground, knowing she may change her mind at any given chance...

Since then we have talked a few times via phone, and she has told her lawyer as well as X's CPS caseworker her decision and they all agree that this is the best decision for him!!! I still remain guarded and will have to somehow remind myself that isn't over til those papers are signed... However with each phone call I hear her sincerity... And this last time she said she will start sending his personal stuff that he has... His birth certificate, social security, etc...

I am in complete amazement as I sit here Thanking God for encouraging me to go to court, thanking God for being my voice when all I could do is sit on the rat wheel as my brain circled in a whirlwind of thoughts... Thanking God for the revelation of this is not about our family adopting X, it's about realizing this little guy is HIS ... And this entire time he had his eye on him and in his life, and that I needed to trust and ask for him to be safe and be wherever God wanted him to be, acknowledging and fully embracing and trusting even if that family is not ours... That HIS goodness will always shine through for HIS GLORY... That became our prayer for the last 2 months... Not what we wanted for ourselves but for X. When we became content and just completely trusted without trying to alter/control this whole thing... When we said okay God He is yours, you love him more than we ever could... And had faith that it would all work out for HIS good.

I fail on a regular basis of falling into desperation.....

As I am Gracefully reminded of what kind of God we serve....

Thank You God for loving me and teaching me how to love others... As hard as I think it will be, it isn't Lord when I surrender my all and let you love through me....

Aside all of the above, I also fail in forming my thoughts and words onto paper... I carefully remember that I need to honor our foster sons privacy as well as those involved... And have to refer to him as X for the time being... And remain in constant prayer until the day we can say (hopefully soon) X.... Our son thank you everyone for walking along side of us in this journey... Thank you for your continued prayers.

He Makes Beautiful Things

Everyday is made up of a multitude of things... Everyday we have choices to be a blessing or inflict our ability to be down right ugly to those around us. When we are Christ filled we can't help but be vessels of what God is doing in us and sharing that light with others.

Everyday we are filled with several feelings - pride, hate, love, anger, sadness, pity, happiness, etc . . . We are walking images of Christ and as children of a Glorious Father we should employ ourselves to be a blessing every chance we get. A Blessing to our spouse, children, teachers, friends, co-workers, strangers... at some point each of us have accepted Christ into our hearts and when we did we had that desire to be better - to be new.


Have you ever heard a song that just lifts you up and stays with you???

It’s a beautifully written song with an incredible message of hope, encouragemt, reassurance and faith.






The hope is that you’ll take what God is doing in your life or gifting you with and run with it, run with a passion that sets your life on fire burning with desire to serve and glorify HIM -a fire so magnificent it becomes contagious.

The encouragement is that God sheds his mercys on us daily, we wake up and we are renewed and refreshed and have another day to live for His beautiful works share that encouragement with those who
surround you and pray for good works that create a domino effect.

The reassurance is that regardless of where you and I have come from, what color our skin is, what your level of faith or unbelief is, how financially sound you may or not be, how intelligent or funny you are or aren’t ~ God can use you.  He makes everyone and everything beautiful.

The faith is simple or complex as one chooses to make it - faith is to know in your heart before you see with your eyes. "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2Cor 5.7)


The words to this song had me looking up scripture using different key words…reborn, beautiful, blessings, and ultimately, new.

. . .

“Because we understand our fearful responsibility to the Lord, we work hard to persuade others.  God knows we are sincere, and I hope you know this, too.  Are we commending ourselves to you again?  No, we are giving you a reason to be proud of us, so you can answer those who brag about having a spectacular ministry rather than having a sincere heart.  If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God.  And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.  Either way, Christ’s love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.  He died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view.  How differently we know Him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to Himself through Christ.  And God has given us this task of reconciling people to Him.  For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them.  And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.  So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making His appeal through us.  We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”  For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”
- 2 Corinthians 6:11-21

It's a long verse... but it needs to be read in its entirety to grasp ~ Paul deliveres a message that is powerful... we are Christians and we are to be ambassadors for God. Be a blessing.  3 tiny words that carry a such massive responsibility. Our family, our friends, complete strangers, all may be waiting for us to be the ambassador that leads them to a relationship with our Father.  The thing is,  when we accept Christ into our hearts…truly and completely…we should be bursting at the seams with His light so that we have no choice but to share His good news!

So how is this message of hope incorporated into our relationships?  Simple.  When you’re made into something new through Christ, something beautiful, you live to be a blessing to those around you.  And when you do that, it becomes second nature to be a blessing to your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, children, colleagues, etc.  I’m not suggesting that it’s an easy thing.  And I’m also not trying to say that we don’t have our moments of relapse into ones self.  This much I do know, it's much easier to recover the more you live for Him.

 No matter who you are and what your circumstance is, God wants to have a relationship with you and HE can use you to make beautiful things, and (2) Be a blessing!


so thankful that Christ doesn't leave us the way we are when we come to Him...He makes all things new!

"Merry Go Round"

Some of you know it has been a long time dream of mine (over 20 yrs) to be a foster adoptive parent - it was almost a year ago when my husband was ready to take the plunge and felt the calling  on his heart too...

This is for those of you who have thought about it...  It took us about 4 months to get all of our paperwork in, background checks, FBI Prints, upgrades/purchases (fire extinguishers etc) and home study -  it then took the agency we went with almost another month to complete the home study and license. We had our license for almost 2 weeks within in those 2 weeks we had 3 calls for various broadcast - on the 3rd one we were selected - for 3 siblings ages 4, 3, 10 months! We were tickled...

 What we didn't know is that the 2 boys more so the older one had emotional needs and then some (this was totally fine with us). Within almost 4 months... their room was in a nutshell destroyed Berber carpet and children who like to smear feces do not mix - the looping and texture is near next to impossible to clean! The numerous toys destroyed, sheet rock damaged, dining room chair, music cds, a karaoke machine as well as my sanity! Those kiddos were placed in a new home for an extended story we can save for another time... needless to say it was NOT because I gave up on them.

Foster care is not a glamorous thing, I hear over and over

1. That's such a nice thing you are doing - My honest response - I am not trying to be nice, I am doing something that I feel in my heart needs to be done... Something where we can actually see and make a difference on some level, if even for a handful of  days, weeks or months.... even with all the frustration of caseworkers (my current fs X has a wonderful cw), a broken system, accusations from bio parents (HA!), endless appointments (my current fs has 5 therapist, a psychologist, orthopedic, pulmonary specialist, neurologist and someone else I am sure I am forgetting) and a lack of support and dirty looks from those who think the child who is swinging from store displays is yours and you need to do something about it.... it's not about being Nice - for me it's about loving a child who's world is broken, knowing I can't fix it - but the love of my God can... and I can introduce them to Him... and prayerfully hope that I can display just a fraction of His love while they are with us daily. 
2. Hey I hear there is decent money to be made - My honest response - Are you serious?? The gas alone in Doctor appointments for current fs eats up a minimum of half of his reimbursement... the other half covers diapers, wipes, food, clothes etc.
3. I couldn't give them back I'm afraid I would be too attached - My honest response - Do you think I am heartless and that I am NOT attached? This ministry is NOT about me - I Love the lyrics in "Hosanna" "Break my heart for what breaks yours" God has expanded my love more so than I ever thought imaginable... I have been taught so many applicable lessons in the short time we have done this... I mean if one child ONE child could have me stand protective of  him as a mama lion would of her own cub - can you IMAGINE the capacity of love and protection our GOD has for each of us when we are hurt or saddened????  Truth is - we are all His children, and @ some point we all have to give up our own biological kids, whether it's to kindergarten, college, marriage, death, the world.... they are temporarily ours to shape, mold and love... the same goes for children in foster care - we are adopted into God's kingdom it's a natural calling to be His hands and feet on earth. I can only pray that I do a decent job doing it and when I'm not He checks me, convicts me, and points me in the right direction.... More so important ministry work isn't supposed to be a cakewalk... there are trial and tribulations, happy, sad, frustrating and a sleuth of other emotions - all I know is I couldn't turn my head away from a child who was sad, hurting, or needing love and attention, there are thousands of children in our country let alone world who need someone to care, someone to push aside their own needs and get over the fact that there will be tears and heartache but it's worth it... for us it is.
4. I would do that too, if I had more time - My honest response - Do you think I had nothing else to do I mean Time?? I forgot what that was... what I do know is somehow God makes time I just have to choose how to utilize it efficiently. 

My merry go round consist of this... We were licensed less than a year ago... our first placement was 3 children 2 months after we had them our 4th placement came in... and we were told he was an adoptable placement - which we were excited about... since then our first 3 children have been moved to a new home... we still have X but his situation is uncertain... he has a good cw in his corner fighting for his safety as well as her supervisor, I am unsure about his ad litem..., and the judge - well I can't give an honest opinion without knowing what in the world is going on inside the courthouse... all I know is we have a little boy who can't really talk just yet (has a vocab of about 40 words) that is having to have unsupervised visits with someone who has possibly broken multiple bones (13) through out his tiny body --- visits are on Sundays from 9 to 4... this little guy screams and cries and can't tell anyone why - where is the justice in this and whose best interest is this for anyhow??? My fear is that he is returned and damaged even more so than now... 

I sit back and take a break to reflect what I have written thus far and have lost my purpose in this post... LOL - I can only laugh at this point because all of my other emotions are on reserve for all of the above, have been exhausted, do not function - you get the idea...

In the nuttiest part of it all - we are instructed on a certain amount of interaction we are supposed to do as far as social/religious/cultural/behavioral/outings/educational/developmental - between all the appointments/foster logs/cw visits/phone calls/bio visits/ there is little time to be just "chill-axed mom" and to top it off I am on a count down on days of having to transfer agencies due to our current one no longer covering region 6 as of 1/1/2012...

So if I miss bible study, look like I need to comb my hair or at best remove the gum from it, have baby socks hanging out my back pocket,  show up to church with kiddie snot rubbed on my shoulder... I apologize - My merry go round is going fast and I am keeping up by a thread of faith.

I wouldn't trade our journey for anything @ this moment as crazy as it has been... I know our God is faithful and we too are faithful and all this busyness is just preparation for the next season! 

Do All Dogs Go To Heaven?

It's been 5 days since our Moses has passed, and to write about it is awfully painful.

Moses is our Great Pyrenees - I say is because he is still with us as if he were one of our kids... I walk through the house and find one of his toys, his leash his favorite resting spot... His big nose nudging under the highchair cushion hoping to find some tender yummy morsels our foster son may have left behind.... he is everywhere I look and it is painful. Moses was only 10 months old and he lived a full life - protecting our livestock, kids and our home. He was well mannered, stinking cute and a professional snorer if there ever was one.... 

Moses came inside Saturday night and wasn't interested in the table scraps we had that evening which was odd @ best.  He kind of came around to each of us for a pet and went back into the front yard to take up his guarding post for the night - around 2 am on Sunday I heard Jedi barking by the chicken cages and woke Joseph up to go see what he was barking at... in the meantime I sat up and realized I only heard one bark... so I too got up and opened the front door and called Moses, he was way up front he lifted his head but wouldn't come to me... about that time Joseph came back in from the back and I told him about Moses behavior. He went to check on him as I stood in the door... he came back and we didn't really exchange words aside that he didn't feel good... around 5 am I went to check on him again... I called him from the front door to see if he would raise his head and he wouldn't I looked closer and he looked deflated, this time I walked across the yard the dirt was cold and damp and the air was still some how I just knew he was gone :(... I stood above Moses and called his name once more hoping that he would open his eyes and I knelt over when he didn't to pet him on his head and he was gone. Joseph and Tre' prepared a burial for him that morning before church and he was laid to rest under a shade tree.... where he loved to rest. I didn't make it to church that day, well I did but I was a mess and never made it in the doors.  His death made no sense, he was up to date on all vaccines, and regimens - he was healthy- he was kept in the yard or indoors, we are a little suspicious someone may have poisoned him.. or he got into something when he got out Wednesday - 

Which has me asking do animals souls go to heaven? Of course I love the ideal that they do? But my question is real, do they?? and can someone lead me to the scripture that says they do or do not? 

Thing is... Sunday before last Brother Larry was teaching on Revelation in Sunday school class and talking about our earthly tents coming down eventually.. he mentioned he did 2 funerals the day before one for a 50 something yr old woman and another that was in her 70's... which one did we all think was expected of course most of us said the one in her 70's and he said no... the one in her 50's had suffered from a disease... and knew her time was coming.  We have a dog named Mufassa who has tumors... and is old and his time is just ticking - and we are prepared for the vet to put him down or for him to pass on his own... but Moses @ only 10 months old was just way too soon :(

Getting it all Together

For over 20 years, I knew @ some point I would want to adopt or be a foster parent... I knew I always wanted a large family - but extended not from just my womb, but a mom to other children ~ a family to those who don't have... Joseph & I have discussed this over the years for the right timing... we always thought our youngest two daughters preteen years or teen years would be best... Over the last two years I have touched on it a bit more, and he just felt he was not foster dad material.  This crushed my heart but certainly a huge decision I would respect.

One evening I went outside... this was sometime around 2010 Christmas... and I mentioned it again to Joseph and he just was not wanting to discuss it he feels that he failed our oldest daughter and felt if he could fail his own child how could he help someone else's? I heard him and understood his heart... but still heartbroken I went inside sat at my desk FRUSTRATED, I put my head in my hands, and just started to pray... God I have been going to the wrong man with my heart, YOU should have been my first stop. Lord you know my heart, I want so much to care for other children, your children, broken, scared, unloved, uncared for children... I want us to be your extended hands and heart on earth. Father, if I am being selfish and this is not your will Lord, please remove it from my heart - and Lord if Joseph and I can be a blessing to other children, if we are able to give these children who need homes and love and most of all - YOU, Lord - please place it on my husbands heart to consider this as a need for him not just a want of mine. . . in your precious sons name Jesus, Amen.

I kid you not in less than a couple of weeks, he came to me and said he was ready... he had talked to a couple of our pastors at church and a few other people he knew that adopted or fostered and said now is our time (THANK YOU GOD!)- January was here and we did our training in Austin for Fostering and Adoption - WOW I wish I would have blogged about this from the very beginning so much to take in... and so much to do, we have listed our references, background checks, FBI finger prints, different forms galore.
What we have left - our vet records, fire and health code inspection - (our county doesn't do it so the agency will) square footage of each room of house, fire escape plan - lock box for medicines and first aid... our home study! ~

I am so thrilled, for now I will stop as I am listening to one of the families being interviewed on the radio about their experiences! - if you are in the Austin or surrounding areas - and are interested in foster parenting or adoption -  please check out Family Link  

How we can honor our husbands

First of all I have essentially have become the annoyance of the neighbor who leaves their Christmas tree lights on still a few weeks after Christmas... ha ~ yes I am aware that I have neglected to change my poor header for my blog... it's just so darn cute, but even I need the change... hopefully I can get to that this coming week some time ;o).

Today I want to talk about husbands... I am doing my best to devote a waking moment to God every morning not just in prayer but in scripture as well... and this week one was 1 Peter 3

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

(NIV)

So today I wrote down 10 things I love about my husband . . . (you can follow join in too in your blog, fb notes, or comments wherever!)

1. I love how hard he works to provide for our family.

2. I love his eye's

3. I love how he love's to learn new things

4. I love how funny he is.

5. I love how he strives to become closer to the Lord.

6. I love the relationship he has with our children.

7. I love how his relationship with Jesus, has encouraged him to have better relationships with others.

8. I love that he prays for & with me.

9. I love how he makes new friendships with Godly men.

10. I love the fact that he has hung in there with me for almost 20 years now & our marriage is now more loving & stronger than ever!

Then I focused on something personal that could use some work ~> My patience to just sit & listen, not everything needs my input.

Sometimes we focus on how we can change our husbands, so that we have a "Happy Marriage" When it should be about how can I become the wife my husband needs me to be as well as how can I become the wife GOD wants me to be.

In my daily walk I need to remember Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Ladies most of want to be treat like Queens... in order to be treated that way we have to make our husbands feel like Kings-

So... I try to remind myself

Have I blessed my husband with goodness today? Or have I treated him poorly?

Am I an encouragement to him? Our men go out into the world daily and get bombarded with negativity, people who are not Christian, foul language, temptation, just things we are completely unaware of...

When he comes home is he faced with more of the same? Do I rebuke his efforts to provide a good life for our family by being disgruntled in the evening and having a woe is me attitude?

Paying attention to what I say, if I have a complaint about my day take it to the Lord in prayer... and not unload them on my husband... no one wants to come home to a list of unfortunate events... what impression are we giving our spouse if all we do is cry, pout, or complain about...

unruly children

this messy house

that you are lonely all day

the lack of material possessions you want

or commenting on how he should be making more money

harping on the honey do list...

Remember how you believed in him when you first got married? You believed he was great! He still is! Just we forget to romance and praise each other once comfort sets in... so we become sounding boards and nothing ever valued unless it suits our purpose or need... Our men when praised, honor, and respected as God commands us to do, often leaves our husbands wanting to honor us as his Queen...

This devotional was awesome and eye opening, making me MORE aware of my attitude and response, not laying my burdens on my husband daily also lends me more time to spend with Jesus!

http://proverbs31sisters.avirtuouswoman.org/group/fromchaostocalm2010 is where is am doing my current daily devotionals... I never leave without words of encouragement and being reminded on how I can make my home a happier, peaceful home for everyone.

Merry Christmas

There were many Christmas's where we shoved as many gifts under the tree as possible thinking what the kids got and how much they got is what made it a good Christmas.... gosh how horribly wrong I have been...  the last few years have been very simple but special - special because we have focused on what's important - and that is the birth of our savior Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful to have a loving God - who has blessed me with a wonderful life with a beautiful family, great friends and so much more!!! My husband spoiled me rotten with a few things... which is was very tearful specially since he and I have for years not exchanged gifts.... for mostly monetary reasons ~ He got me 2 new charms for my James Avery bracelet one was the Let go Let God charm and the other one was the tiny angel charm :) he said both were things I needed to keep close to my heart and mind... and he is right Let Go and Let God take control of everything and remember he has sent Guardian Angels to watch over us.  My heart smiles for this man, if some of you knew the trials and tribulations we have tried to overcome in so many years but never were any of those attempts successful until we surrendered them to our God and realized the more we tried to control everything the more we lost control and messed them up in the process even more so.

The kids were happy and a joy to be around, our oldest daughter DJ didn't make it home this year... she is in Fort Carson, Colorado... and I felt her absence the most last night @ the candle light service @ church.... :( - it's okay though, God's timing is nothing but perfect.  Christmas dinner consisted of a nice roasted turkey with all the fixings, along with a brown sugar ham - good gravy it was delicious...sadly I did not take pictures of all the lovely dishes... but I do have proof it was eaten....    Ha ~ love you honey and Dad ;o)

Christmas brings hope and new life. What do you TRULY hope for this coming year, something my husband brought home to me a few weeks ago from Mens Fraternity... sometimes you have to die a little to live a lot - and to that I say AMEN - Merry Christmas everyone.

Heavenly Dinner Rolls with a Suprise Bonus....

Yesterday I threw a pork roast in the slow cooker... looked around the pantry to see what I could throw together with it and the yeast was staring at me, seriously yeast, I don't have time to play with you today... but in the verbal war with non animate objects the yeast won... yeah okay it could've been my weakness for carbs but whatever it's December what's one more extra dose of carbs gonna do? So here goes ~

What's so special about this recipe is that it's called Some Day Yeast Rolls - you can make the dough today cover it in the fridge and use it a few days later, or make a roll of it spray down some wax paper or parchment with pam and wrap it then drop it into a zip lock, freeze and pull it out 3 months later to use...Stay with me here on this one because I am going to break it down for you in 2 ways and then a 3rd way that was totally unexpected.

Some Day Yeast Rolls -

2 pkg of yeast

2 1/2 cup warm water

3/4 cup melted shortening

3/4 cup sugar

2 eggs (free range is best) just saying!

8 or so cups of flour

2 1/2 tsp of salt

Soften yeast in warm water. Add shortening, sugar, eggs, 4 cups flour and salt. Stir in remaining flour. This will be a soft flexible dough. Cover and refrigerate overnight or until needed. This will keep several days. Shape into rolls or loaf and let rise in warm place until doubled. Bake at 400°F for 15 to 20 minutes.


I know you want them now - I know I did... So I just had to try....


Bread-maker tonight Yeast Rolls (the above cut in half)

(follow the same baking instructions as above)

1pkg yeast
1/4 cup & 2tbs of shortening melted
1 1/4 cup water warm
1/4 cup & 2 tbsp of sugar
1 egg - you know the drill farm fresh baby
4 cups of flour
1 1/4 tsp salt

toss all your wet ingredients into this divine creation (the bread-maker) please make sure your little kneader spinner tool is attached inside (only I could anticipate the deliciousness that comes out in under 2 hours to find that I have a bunch of ingredients unmixed because I forgot to reattach after the last washing sigh...) Anyhow after you add the wet ingredients, follow with the dry saving the yeast for last... set your maker for the dough setting. After that is done you have the most Luscious dough - it's soft and warm and smells heavenly in a dough sense... it does - I did this last night but used 2 machines (made a dbl batch) and Oh my goodness it made way too much... Noel & I made rolls just ball them up in a greased pan or dish and cover for and hour or so or you can make several loafs... as doubling was way too much for the 5 of us ... they aren't picture perfect round but I take pleasure in my children discovering function over form and perfecting the form through their own eyes @ their own pace -

15 minutes in the oven @ 400 degrees got us....

even more delicious with homemade honey butter.... mmm

so then I had to figure out what to do with my beautiful left over dough. After sitting there oohing and awing over it with my kiddos I remember why it smelt so wonderful... my Granny Konarik (100% Czech!) made the Best Best things... the smell of dough,oh my hips expand help me thinking about it... Kolaches, apple Strudel, poppyseed roll - oh oh - no I didn't just say poppyseed roll.. It Was ON!!!

I sprayed my counter down with pam and slapped that dough on the counter and rolled it and smacked it rolled it some more until I got a nice square.... okay almost nice you get my drift

then I basted it lightly with melted butter, thats REAL butter girlfriend - don't insult my taste buds with that fake stuff... anyhow take your poppyseed filling (homemade or Solo) and spread it across not quite to the edges...

roll it until you can't roll anymore :)

start to roll your poppyseed roll and baste lightly and sprinkle with sugar lightly in between the roll layers as you fold it when you are done place it on a well greased cookie sheet make sure you have sealed all of the seems

and if you want you can slightly whip up an egg to baste those seems to help keep them closed so none of that yummy stuff escapes... and forces you to pick off and eat while no one is looking ;) baste the top once more and put her in the oven @ 425 for 15 minutes open up and slap a piece of foil on top to keep from too much browning and cook for an additional 15 minutes. once done while hot spread some more butter on it and sprinkle with sugar once more. This is divine, a lot less work than the original scalding milk recipe and just as delicious

obviously I did not baste my seem with the egg batter tisk tisk ... yes I was forced to scoop off the blobs of poppyseed and devour while hot ;-)

~ I have to send this to my cousin Candy I know she as well as other family members miss our beloved Granny's cooking.

And with that I want to share a thanks to the Lord for giving me wonderful memories of such strong women in my family, memories that don't fade after decades of their physical departure - God could you give my granny a big Holy Hug from me and let her know she lives on in stories through me to my children and cooking, Amen

Have a Beautiful Day everyone!!

My Thankful Thursday - Top Ten

Things I am thankful for -

1. The gift of hearing, as I type this I hear my birds chattering to the left of me while kids are giggling from the other room...wonder what's so funny in there?
2. My parents still being alive, I am thankful that I have been able to mend the relationships with them ~ that my teen years wrecked havoc on...
3. My Children ~ they are so all uniquely different but the same, There is nothing that any of them could ever do that would change how much I love each of them.
4. I am thankful for being able to cry ~ did you know crying releases hormones that are stress related and when released they are a natural pain killer! God is amazing!
5. I am thankful for my husband, we did a lot of things our way for so many years, and this last year of handing our marriage and daily life over to God, life has become livable.
6. Thankful for my friends - I have a lot of em these days! I always had a lot in school but for some reason I secluded myself as an adult up until a year or so ago, God wants us to have fellowship with each other, and I have found comfort in seeing the little gifts he instills in each of us.
7. The gift off being able to see. My night vision is horrible, however last fall (2009) my son was going blind - and the worries of life being different for him filled me, more so because there was no obvious reason @ first for him going blind, 8.Thank God for Doctors and 9. Prayers - after several days in the hospital and a few weeks @ home he was diagnosed and made a FULL recovery from Viral Meningitis ~ Praise The Lord.
Did you see I slipped 8 & 9 in there? I hope that wasn't cheating... ;o)
10. Thankful for being able to sit here in my own home, with food in the cabinets, and basic needs and then some.

Womens Support Group

Womens support group @ church was introduced to me a little over a year ago. I was a "baby" Christian @ the time eh who am I kidding - I still am ~ but I'm more in my toddler stage... Anyhow I never envisioned myself in any type of "support" group. My life was upside down, I was sad, I felt lost, hopeless - I was broken and I needed help redefining myself.

How I got to that state is a long story, but never the less I got there, we all have the potential for hitting rock bottom one way or another - was it pride that made me think I would never be in a support group? It's like to say I am in a women's support group, says I have female issues within myself or the outside world in general - you know I just got to a point where I didn't care what that meant I needed something and I grasped on to anything at that time.

Let me tell you what my women's group isn't about - judging, insulting, hurting, hateful, negative - pretty much anything negative... does not exist.

What it is....It's God driven and facilitated by a wonderful woman who genuinely cares about each of us, Loving, Supportive, Encouraging, Embracing, Accepting, Acknowledging, Caring, Prayerful, Comforting - I attended my first time, choking on tears, I didn't speak probably the first several visits - I knew if I did I would be a mess, and honestly I had little faith and trust ~ However for some reason I came back every Tuesday, I needed to be there ~ hearing other women talk, was comforting, women who have lost their spouse, a child, a parent or other loved one, women who were in abusive relationships whether it was substance, physical, emotional, women who were going through or have been divorced, affairs, stress, depression - we came in all walks but faced similar challenges - I was not alone in my experiences. I never was alone, but I didn't understand this until I accepted Christ and became to immerse myself in God's Love and Word. Through strength in Christ and the shared stories and discussion I felt like I was no longer suffocating in my everyday life, I felt the wanting to live again. I felt myself opening up and sharing... through this journey I have learned how to forgive, really forgive - to let go, for me to to hold a wrong doing by someone is prideful, it not only hurts me, but hurts everyone I come into contact with, it keeps me from building REAL relationships with everyone including my own family. So I learned to let go and let God and live. Man that feels so good to not only say it but feel it. We are to forgive as it is obedient to the Lord - it is a choice and a decision that we make, when we take it to heart and give this forgiving thing a vigilant shot, we learn that this command is in our best interest as our reward in forgiveness is Freedom.

Staying angry @ others honestly just impairs our own ability to love and trust. In the end we hurt ourselves.

I am so thankful for the women's group @ FBCM - we learn together, cry together, laugh together, pray together ~ if you are a local friend and want to come along with me, please let me know! If you are a long distance friend I would love to help you with prayer, support group locations, and with some of the things I have learned. Feel free to comment!

Bless!

Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Today is Sunday, I have dropped two family sized pizza dough batches into 2 different bread makers to do the kneading :) - but I can't help think about todays service in church, we usually get there early before Sunday school -

This morning I was sitting there reading a 1 Samuel the covenant established between Jonathan and David... when I reflected on how some people make mission work their life, how people pick up their families and just implant them in other regions of the world sacrificing the comforts of our freedoms, extended family members and friends. How AWESOME I thought to be able to do that... and really I guess anyone can but how many are willing to say good bye to modern day conveniences in exchange for a poverty state 3rd world country? I know I wouldn't at least not anytime soon...

Anyhow I forgot today we had a guest speaker Pastor Sterling Edwards all the way from New York!! He is at a church called Crossroads Church of Long Island East - He had an amazing story to share.. and inspirational to try and make it short, he was born and raised here in Houston, Texas. His family is rooted here, but something pointed him and his wife to New York to start a church... yeah I know what's so inspirational about this? I can't remember the logistics and statistics that were given but basically only 3% of the population considered themselves as Evangelical Christians - and out of several million people on long island this is including the Bronx, Queens, and the communities around those - only a handful (literally) were baptist... I believe the number was 86% of people age 37 and under had NEVER stepped into a church... this is big and hits home with me as I could have easily fitted into that category @ the age of 36 (I am 38 now).

Pastor Sterling has a new approach to his community and that's what made me just open my ears and I just didn't hear what he had to say, my heart felt it and I just wanted to be able to do something. Financially the best I can do is tell somebody, and hope that somebody tells another somebody, hopefully reaching that community to tell someone maybe a loved one that there is a church that is just there to be friends to love on the community. This church can't just open the doors and wait for people to show up on Sunday morning, they are actually stepping out from behind the church doors out of their comfort zone and working with a body of unbelievers, showing them they want nothing but to share the love of Jesus Christ with them.

I realize I am not delivering his message impacting you the way he did to me and others this morning, but one thing I did hear ~ or took in was not to miss a chance of opportunity to share Jesus with another person - we tend to just keep our mouths fixed - I mean sure we will say God Bless you, Thank God, Praise the Lord in every day lingo, but how many of us will go out and really just talk about what Jesus did for you and me and everyone else's sins?? How Our eternal Father lifted us up out of our pit of sinful ruins giving us hope and life? What I believe from what I have experienced is that most of us stay in our comfort zone, and speak about God to people we know who love God and we do it in the privacy of our own homes, on the phone, or in church... anyone can do that... it takes a disciple to walk amongst the masses and speak of Gods love with out any reservations Paul's letter to Timothy states~ 2 Timothy 2:1,2: "Oh, Timothy, my son, be strong with the strength Christ Jesus gives you. For you must teach others those things you and many others have heard me speak about. Teach these great truths to trustworthy men who will, in turn, pass them on to others." (Living Bible)


We each have a choice to make a difference, I choose to step out of my comfort zone and share How God became apart of my life ~ and how others too can receive Christ. I choose to listen and say hi to somebody I don't know - after all everyone we meet is going through some sort of battle right now, wouldn't be awesome if being God's vessel could be the rope that person needs to see that they don't need to suffer in that battle alone... that they can surrender it and become free of it!? What will you choose to do?


Just one more thing I would like to share ~ I do believe God was speaking to me this morning as I was reflecting on families who move to other countries to do Gods work prior to the service, I had no idea what Pastor Sterling was going to speak about... but his message was what my heart needed to hear - Pastor Sterling was God's vessel for me this morning saying Lana - you can work right here in your own community as well in others around you which certainly I knew this however... I think I was stuck in my comfort zone....

Three Gifts

I don't have grandchildren yet, but with 4 children 2 that are young adults - I do anticipate having some in the future... and I hope to pass on valuable traditions, which has led me to thinking that this is a brilliant idea!

Christmas has always been a huge deal for me in giving gifts to our children, sadly I never had the gift of Christ behind it - it was always how many gifts can I put under the tree - most years it was small but still a lot depending on the budget of that year.

What were the three gifts that the wise man presented on that day they visited the King Jesus ~the very first Christmas?

The Gift of Gold~
Gold is of great value~ expensive. This gift could be that special gift that the child truly wants and of course the most precious thing they have been wishing for~ wrapped in gold paper .

The Gift of Frankincense~

Frankincense was the spice that was burned in the Temple during Jesus’ time. This gift could be one that will encourage growth in his or her spiritual walk. This gift could be a new Bible, devotion book, Christian music or even a Christian Movie.

The Gift of Myrrh~

In the Bible times Myrrh was a spice that was used to embalm the dead ~not such a sweet thought but it was said to be what Mary carried to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body. So how can we relate this to gift giving? The gift of Myrrh is the gift that covers the body. This gift could represent the gift of clothing, bath and body things and of course pajamas.

I love giving gifts and I think this could be a wonderful way to keep the focus on Jesus and HIS birthday.

FB "note" Repost When you are tired and broken. . .

I wanted this on here in my blog for personal reasons more so another place I can be reminded if there is never a mirror around to reflect visually on the Sinner I was and am on a smaller level today - I continue to strive to ask God for forgiveness and shape my heart into a loving, embracing person and ever so much to guard my tongue of judgement and to heal my innermost fears of not ever being enough... God has HEALED several of my flaws - one of the biggest was my language - I seriously am floored at not hearing myself curse anymore ~ even more so ~ I am floored when I hear others do so -- not so much because they do, but as a reflection of what I sounded like and who I may have offended... especially God.

It wasn't long ago that I released my old ways and became something renewed, not renewed as in a positive affirmation sort of way - While I totally believe in being positive... I believe we all dance @ some point in our lives on our own score card not considering anyone or anything else, even if it's only for a blink of an eye or in my case what seemed like an eternity of 30 plus years... It's crazy the more I give of myself because I feel compelled to, the more I have been Blessed - I have family members and friends asking me what's up? GOD is what is up - I have friends and family that do NOT believe in GOD - and I feel lost trying to explain where I am today - and have realized that I can't explain how incredible GOD is or how lighter everything feels even when things are chaotic - they aren't ~ because by FAITH - I know GOD has me in his hands. In a nutshell for me to try and explain how great HE is would be minimizing HIM because HIS love surpasses my vocabulary, my vision, my entire existence - So to those who don't know and ask me - I am speechless not because I don't know but because I DO KNOW of HIS Love - there will come a time I pray that my very own daughter will come to her knees and know God for the loving Father He is - as well as several friends until then -

Remember God Can Use Anybody!
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Mary Magdalene was...The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
..AND
Lazarus was dead!

I'm gonna praise HIS name.

Sometime's life is hard, I get that. Sometime's we are surrounded my negativity, fair weathered friends and relatives, or complete strangers with impeccable timing that makes me want to run in to my comfort zone. Since I have last posted I have observed a lot of stuff and I see myself transforming.

I weighed myself the other day... my scale came in and Good grief I have gained some weight... again - I can only assume it has been the fast food that we have eaten over the summer... we normally avoid it but on the run sometimes it is just easier, but harder in the long run. So a friend of mine introduced me into a weight loss thing she has done and she looks fabulous - I researched it a bit as I have never been one to diet - as most often it seems unrealistic - but this one sounds and looks different promising instant results and ongoing results. At first I wasn't going to do the whole blog about it or vlog - but I need to if I can be an inspiration to anyone else - I want to be. I weigh a lot, and I am embarrassed to say how much just yet, but when I get my stuff in for the diet I will bare all - my height weight, progress and maybe even a video snippet?

So onto other things - we sold Olivia a couple of weeks ago - that was fun and something I do not want to do again, Pigs can be scary when made to do things they don't want to do! Daisy Donkey is also here, gosh she is so adorable, funny and has a wonderful disposition! We have sold several birds over the last 2 weeks and have pretty much completed the fenced in area she is in, I need to get a few more gates but for now we are using extra cattle panels.

Tony Evans - wow what an incredible vessel for God - he just speaks so wonderfully - we all have that potential to be a wonderful vessel for God - we just need to ask God to use us as he will. Mostly we need to just give our lives to God and not be stubborn and kick our feet when he presents us with opportunity.

Bible Studies - both of my studies are coming to an end, some what relieved yet saddened - I was so overwhelmed with the double homework! I have been so blessed to grow closer in Gods word, I have learned so much and finally grasping it all and a new understanding of things. Just let go and let GOD is so easy to say but in the life of a sinner and doer - it presents a challenge, a challenge I find myself in constant prayer over. I have learned that there is true forgiveness, a forgiveness where you can let the horrible wrong things stop controlling you or weighing on your shoulders. I have learned to guard my mouth more... my thoughts not so much - I am working on that. The study of David is in the Spring and I am surely going to attend that one *God Willing*. I thirst for Gods words more than I know and only wish I knew him earlier on in life.

So with all of that, I am off for a bit to tend to life :)

T.G.I.F.

It has been a rough week, and I sit here and think of the senseless sadness and know there are other people in the world dealing with their own issues and even greater losses... Spot the duck is still in the house, she is too weak to go outside because the remainder of the male ducks just want to mate with her...

Tre is off in Lake Travis doing the male bonding think with his youth group it's a guys only thing, and I am sure it will be good for him to have a few days away :-) .

I really need to go to the store but have been procrastinating... going to try and drag my butt there some time this morning. Speaking of morning I have been up since 2 am - randomly checking on the birds outside... this in itself is ridiculous as I need to finish the website and I am having a hard time doing so, while trying to keep my head up - Lord give me strength, and please allow us the necessary adoptions to take place so that we may tackle this fencing project.

Joseph is doing a Wednesday night "Fisher of Men" bible study @ Brother Larry's home, he attended his first one this past week and LOVED it, which makes me happy!

I need to focus on absorbing more of Gods word daily so that I can apply it through the day, with my own words, my own thoughts and of course my actions.

Lets have faith that we will be able to sell some birds this weekend!

Thank You Lord for the rain we have had this week, I feel it has been a blessing in many ways...

PS - one of our turkey poults is now strutting his Tom stuff so so cute when they are still so small!

Clucking For Jesus? What?

What is clucking for Jesus? I wanted to make a blog for our family and our recent choice over 2009 to accept Christ 110% (meaning in everything we do no half stepping) into our lives. The clucking part comes from our other path... we have always loved animals and over the years of taking in animals that needed a home Fortuna's Garden & Sanctuary came about. I know, I know what does this have to do with clucking and such ~ Fortuna's Garden is not your average animal rescue - we try to rescue without walls - primarily for small livestock the things that you won't find @ your local humane shelter. Our main focus Is God, Family, and chickens! Thats right you read correctly... chickens along with ducks, geese, other birds/fowl, and small livestock (goats, pigs, sheep, llamas, rabbits etc.) God loves us all this includes his creatures and sadly every year around Easter people want to purchase dyed ducks and chicks because they are soooo cute! These babies grow up and require maintenance that your average house pet would not include, so people dump their ducks in parks... where they have no natural instinct to survive as they has been breed to be in the backyard or on a farm... and the chicks end up on craigslist, freecycle or just dumped on a country road, lost and bound to be prey to an unsuspecting predator. Please feel free to sit back and enjoy our adventure and our daily experiences with the Lord, our family and animals.