Here Goes. . .

I had originally sent this as an email and message to a few people who have shared an interest in our journey in foster and adoption, if you didn't get this it's not because I omitted you - I just know these days fostering / adopting is all I really talk about... - however over the last few weeks so many others have asked about how everything is going and it is so in depth really hard to squeeze it all visually into words much less on paper errr... digital space? More so importantly it gives us a chance to shout out - how Incredible our God is!

....Here Goes....

I feel like I am running a constant rat race between all of the appointments - I need to write one mass email to everyone who has gracefully cared to check on us and X... Well here goes, grab yourself a cup of Joe because it's lengthy ~ so many people have asked how he is doing and what is happening... this is as close as I can get on paper/ e mail (and now blog) - so sorry in advance for it being lengthy....

Last week (November 2011) X had a permanency hearing, we were uncertain on what to do as we have never attended one, I called his CPS caseworker to see if she wanted us to go, she said ask the ad litem.... So I called him, and his response was this...

"The family court system is an open forum to the public anyone is welcome to go" Well nice ... But are we needed?? As you and I both know that is a crazy drive to make and I am already going nonstop running around as it is not to mention I will have to make special arrangements for X since I won't be able to care for him if I do go. Again he (the ad litem) said I could go but it was entirely up to me. I have prayed on many things since we have had X in our home, to give you a glimpse of those prayers, Please help this little boys heart have some of your sweet peace, Please help this little guy adjust into our home, please guide us on what doctors are needed to help him heal and recover from his injuries both physical and emotional, please oh please let us be able to adopt him - ahhh that last one I mentioned... Changed over the course of a couple of months... I saw my want and selfishness in that prayer and really it was gimme things that I really had not searched in my heart of hearts. Something changed in the whole seriousness of what was going on in X's little life, he needed a permanent home to just love him and be there for him, one that would let him blossom and fully thrive into a Good purpose greater than ours.

I woke up Thursday morning @ 4 am realizing I really don't own nice clothes to attend court ... Frustrated I though on a casual sweater and jeans... Justified wearing sneakers as I was walking in downtown Joseph would watch X along with the help of Noel as he was still going to work - so X would be going to work with papa Joe on this day as well - One of the things I have learned this far in fostering is that unless you have a very familiar back up caregiver, it's just not great leaving them... Not good for the child and can be very stressful for the person who hasn't cared for him or her or a child who has a higher level of constant demand for whatever needs he or she may have. So I made it to downtown Houston... I vaguely recalled how much Houston traffic stinks and I mean in a sense of driving in it.... It can test your vocabulary and compassion for others on why they feel the need to cut you off just to get a car length ahead of you... Or the need to ride my bumper... Or the urgency of where they have to be appears to be more important than anyone else.

As I sat there observing other cases, my heart broke for the desperation for the young lady on the bench in front of me wanting her children back... I should have asked her if I could pray for/with her and I missed that chance to do so on the many times she left and returned to the court room because of losing her ability to not to cry .

X's cases was last to be heard... I had shown some pictures to his ad litem before we were called just so he could see how he was doing and in case the judge was curious... The judge seemed nice enough but yet very stern and unwilling to really listen to what anyone had to say including me (even after asking me if I had anything to say) He also so kindly mentioned that this has become some kind of contest with all those who are involved on the legal teams that he can't say what kind of contest it was because it would go on permanent record. He stated that there would be a trial in February.... And prior to that there needed to be a mediation so that everyone could try and come to some sort of agreement - Did I mention this entire time I was standing there less than an arms distance from X's biological mom??? The judge then asked her if there was anything she wanted to ad... And she said yes , since the last hearing she had met a family that was in her aunt and uncles church that was willing to adopt X and that she wanted a home study on them and that WHEN they passed she would relinquish her rights to him as her mom and let them adopt him.... My headed started spinning as so my stomach as the judge ordered CPS to do the home study for consideration. It never ceases to amaze me at how our minds can run a million and 1 thought processes - and still hear what is going around you absorbing it all in - in a split second I felt my heart rise up into my throat and at the same time fall... Did he just order a home study to be done on a family that has no idea who X is, and X has no relation or idea who they are????? Seriously?? The judge all of the sudden asked me how did I feel and all that could come out was that " I am concerned" before he cut me off on my full thought, with "WE ARE ALL CONCERNED" this is a difficult case! When all I needed to say was that I was concerned on the progress X has made, the bond he formed with us, that he only just turned 2 a week prior to this date and that we WE are the only family he has known as an actual family for the last year of his life of having 5 homes including his birth home... In under 17 months of living, but I never was given that opportunity to finish that thought. At some point the lawyers and judge were discussing legal jargon when X's ad litem asked mom if she wanted to see the pictures I brought to court... ( I literally had them developed less than 24 hours prior) she said yes, I glanced over and my reserved shyness dissipated in an instance as I looked at her take them in her hands and slowly thumb through each one observing them, as I wondered what she thought as she looked at them, and then fell out with out me even thinking... If you would want those, you are welcomed to them - If you know me more than a hug or hand shake, you know I am very reserved and to myself at first... This ??? This was NOT me. I mean I just wouldn't talk openly and expose my thoughts- well they weren't my thoughts I was too busy observing her look @ his perfect smile and precious face.... @ some point during the process another family becoming considered for X's forever home, I just said OH GOD..... FATHER ..... Please help me keep it together, Lord please do not let me fall apart in here, and God please let you perfect plan for X unfold and if another home has your blessing on raising this little boy... Please let me have peace and strength in you and every judgement I had in my mind about his mom didn't matter anymore it was gone, the accusation of how could you, why would you, didn't matter as if it didn't exist... And what I saw was a young mom searching in her heart for something just as I was... She said yes to keeping those photos as we both just stood there, I realized at that time we both were lost in the uncertainty of what would happen we both shared a unique interest no matter the underlying reason it was a shared emotion that was unspoken.

Just when I thought it was all said and done.... The ad litem asked her, her uncle and myself into the hallway... And called the uncle into another room... and she and I stood there in that empty hallway... In silence... Again words fell out of my mouth - I just want you to know your son has been such a blessing to not only our family but to many others that have come to know him... And we have been honored and blessed to be a part of his journey... And she looked with a pause... And said thank you... And within seconds a ton of her own reserved thoughts surfaced... Are you a Christian home? Yes, Do you and your family attend church? Yes, Do you have your own children??? Yes... 3 daughters and 1 son.... DJ 21 - who just recently got out of the army, Tre 19 who just graduated high school this past year... And my youngest 2 12 and 13 Noel and Sabrina who are both at home with me home schooled... Probably for their last year as they both express an interest in going to public school for the various activities... In my head as all of this is falling out I had this little voice saying shut up... She doesn't care or need to know any of this but it kept coming out ... She then said - I just want my son to go to a home where I know he is loved, loves God, will share pictures and letters and let me know how he is doing, and without even thinking about it... I said WE COULD AND WOULD DO THAT!!!! And as quick as I said that she too said GOD told her while standing before that judge today when she saw me... She felt that she was being told to reconsider leaving X where he is... In in the same breath I will sign over my rights today, at that time tears resurfaced and that same request of Lord please help me maintain composure also came out... And the door swung open and the ad litem called us both in there, and he told her I came on my own freewill today... That I was not asked, or told to come and that I am here because we also care about her son. She told him that we talked and she wanted us to raise him she wanted us to be his forever family... And said okay that he would start working on the paper work and the he personally would handle the adoption! The mom and I exchanged numbers, and hugs, and went our own way after riding down the elevator.... So many emotions I held myself together feeling like I had to keep myself on the ground, knowing she may change her mind at any given chance...

Since then we have talked a few times via phone, and she has told her lawyer as well as X's CPS caseworker her decision and they all agree that this is the best decision for him!!! I still remain guarded and will have to somehow remind myself that isn't over til those papers are signed... However with each phone call I hear her sincerity... And this last time she said she will start sending his personal stuff that he has... His birth certificate, social security, etc...

I am in complete amazement as I sit here Thanking God for encouraging me to go to court, thanking God for being my voice when all I could do is sit on the rat wheel as my brain circled in a whirlwind of thoughts... Thanking God for the revelation of this is not about our family adopting X, it's about realizing this little guy is HIS ... And this entire time he had his eye on him and in his life, and that I needed to trust and ask for him to be safe and be wherever God wanted him to be, acknowledging and fully embracing and trusting even if that family is not ours... That HIS goodness will always shine through for HIS GLORY... That became our prayer for the last 2 months... Not what we wanted for ourselves but for X. When we became content and just completely trusted without trying to alter/control this whole thing... When we said okay God He is yours, you love him more than we ever could... And had faith that it would all work out for HIS good.

I fail on a regular basis of falling into desperation.....

As I am Gracefully reminded of what kind of God we serve....

Thank You God for loving me and teaching me how to love others... As hard as I think it will be, it isn't Lord when I surrender my all and let you love through me....

Aside all of the above, I also fail in forming my thoughts and words onto paper... I carefully remember that I need to honor our foster sons privacy as well as those involved... And have to refer to him as X for the time being... And remain in constant prayer until the day we can say (hopefully soon) X.... Our son thank you everyone for walking along side of us in this journey... Thank you for your continued prayers.

He Makes Beautiful Things

Everyday is made up of a multitude of things... Everyday we have choices to be a blessing or inflict our ability to be down right ugly to those around us. When we are Christ filled we can't help but be vessels of what God is doing in us and sharing that light with others.

Everyday we are filled with several feelings - pride, hate, love, anger, sadness, pity, happiness, etc . . . We are walking images of Christ and as children of a Glorious Father we should employ ourselves to be a blessing every chance we get. A Blessing to our spouse, children, teachers, friends, co-workers, strangers... at some point each of us have accepted Christ into our hearts and when we did we had that desire to be better - to be new.


Have you ever heard a song that just lifts you up and stays with you???

It’s a beautifully written song with an incredible message of hope, encouragemt, reassurance and faith.






The hope is that you’ll take what God is doing in your life or gifting you with and run with it, run with a passion that sets your life on fire burning with desire to serve and glorify HIM -a fire so magnificent it becomes contagious.

The encouragement is that God sheds his mercys on us daily, we wake up and we are renewed and refreshed and have another day to live for His beautiful works share that encouragement with those who
surround you and pray for good works that create a domino effect.

The reassurance is that regardless of where you and I have come from, what color our skin is, what your level of faith or unbelief is, how financially sound you may or not be, how intelligent or funny you are or aren’t ~ God can use you.  He makes everyone and everything beautiful.

The faith is simple or complex as one chooses to make it - faith is to know in your heart before you see with your eyes. "For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2Cor 5.7)


The words to this song had me looking up scripture using different key words…reborn, beautiful, blessings, and ultimately, new.

. . .

“Because we understand our fearful responsibility to the Lord, we work hard to persuade others.  God knows we are sincere, and I hope you know this, too.  Are we commending ourselves to you again?  No, we are giving you a reason to be proud of us, so you can answer those who brag about having a spectacular ministry rather than having a sincere heart.  If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God.  And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.  Either way, Christ’s love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.  He died for everyone so that those who receive His new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view.  How differently we know Him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to Himself through Christ.  And God has given us this task of reconciling people to Him.  For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them.  And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.  So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making His appeal through us.  We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”  For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”
- 2 Corinthians 6:11-21

It's a long verse... but it needs to be read in its entirety to grasp ~ Paul deliveres a message that is powerful... we are Christians and we are to be ambassadors for God. Be a blessing.  3 tiny words that carry a such massive responsibility. Our family, our friends, complete strangers, all may be waiting for us to be the ambassador that leads them to a relationship with our Father.  The thing is,  when we accept Christ into our hearts…truly and completely…we should be bursting at the seams with His light so that we have no choice but to share His good news!

So how is this message of hope incorporated into our relationships?  Simple.  When you’re made into something new through Christ, something beautiful, you live to be a blessing to those around you.  And when you do that, it becomes second nature to be a blessing to your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, children, colleagues, etc.  I’m not suggesting that it’s an easy thing.  And I’m also not trying to say that we don’t have our moments of relapse into ones self.  This much I do know, it's much easier to recover the more you live for Him.

 No matter who you are and what your circumstance is, God wants to have a relationship with you and HE can use you to make beautiful things, and (2) Be a blessing!


so thankful that Christ doesn't leave us the way we are when we come to Him...He makes all things new!

How we can honor our husbands

First of all I have essentially have become the annoyance of the neighbor who leaves their Christmas tree lights on still a few weeks after Christmas... ha ~ yes I am aware that I have neglected to change my poor header for my blog... it's just so darn cute, but even I need the change... hopefully I can get to that this coming week some time ;o).

Today I want to talk about husbands... I am doing my best to devote a waking moment to God every morning not just in prayer but in scripture as well... and this week one was 1 Peter 3

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

(NIV)

So today I wrote down 10 things I love about my husband . . . (you can follow join in too in your blog, fb notes, or comments wherever!)

1. I love how hard he works to provide for our family.

2. I love his eye's

3. I love how he love's to learn new things

4. I love how funny he is.

5. I love how he strives to become closer to the Lord.

6. I love the relationship he has with our children.

7. I love how his relationship with Jesus, has encouraged him to have better relationships with others.

8. I love that he prays for & with me.

9. I love how he makes new friendships with Godly men.

10. I love the fact that he has hung in there with me for almost 20 years now & our marriage is now more loving & stronger than ever!

Then I focused on something personal that could use some work ~> My patience to just sit & listen, not everything needs my input.

Sometimes we focus on how we can change our husbands, so that we have a "Happy Marriage" When it should be about how can I become the wife my husband needs me to be as well as how can I become the wife GOD wants me to be.

In my daily walk I need to remember Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Ladies most of want to be treat like Queens... in order to be treated that way we have to make our husbands feel like Kings-

So... I try to remind myself

Have I blessed my husband with goodness today? Or have I treated him poorly?

Am I an encouragement to him? Our men go out into the world daily and get bombarded with negativity, people who are not Christian, foul language, temptation, just things we are completely unaware of...

When he comes home is he faced with more of the same? Do I rebuke his efforts to provide a good life for our family by being disgruntled in the evening and having a woe is me attitude?

Paying attention to what I say, if I have a complaint about my day take it to the Lord in prayer... and not unload them on my husband... no one wants to come home to a list of unfortunate events... what impression are we giving our spouse if all we do is cry, pout, or complain about...

unruly children

this messy house

that you are lonely all day

the lack of material possessions you want

or commenting on how he should be making more money

harping on the honey do list...

Remember how you believed in him when you first got married? You believed he was great! He still is! Just we forget to romance and praise each other once comfort sets in... so we become sounding boards and nothing ever valued unless it suits our purpose or need... Our men when praised, honor, and respected as God commands us to do, often leaves our husbands wanting to honor us as his Queen...

This devotional was awesome and eye opening, making me MORE aware of my attitude and response, not laying my burdens on my husband daily also lends me more time to spend with Jesus!

http://proverbs31sisters.avirtuouswoman.org/group/fromchaostocalm2010 is where is am doing my current daily devotionals... I never leave without words of encouragement and being reminded on how I can make my home a happier, peaceful home for everyone.

Womens Support Group

Womens support group @ church was introduced to me a little over a year ago. I was a "baby" Christian @ the time eh who am I kidding - I still am ~ but I'm more in my toddler stage... Anyhow I never envisioned myself in any type of "support" group. My life was upside down, I was sad, I felt lost, hopeless - I was broken and I needed help redefining myself.

How I got to that state is a long story, but never the less I got there, we all have the potential for hitting rock bottom one way or another - was it pride that made me think I would never be in a support group? It's like to say I am in a women's support group, says I have female issues within myself or the outside world in general - you know I just got to a point where I didn't care what that meant I needed something and I grasped on to anything at that time.

Let me tell you what my women's group isn't about - judging, insulting, hurting, hateful, negative - pretty much anything negative... does not exist.

What it is....It's God driven and facilitated by a wonderful woman who genuinely cares about each of us, Loving, Supportive, Encouraging, Embracing, Accepting, Acknowledging, Caring, Prayerful, Comforting - I attended my first time, choking on tears, I didn't speak probably the first several visits - I knew if I did I would be a mess, and honestly I had little faith and trust ~ However for some reason I came back every Tuesday, I needed to be there ~ hearing other women talk, was comforting, women who have lost their spouse, a child, a parent or other loved one, women who were in abusive relationships whether it was substance, physical, emotional, women who were going through or have been divorced, affairs, stress, depression - we came in all walks but faced similar challenges - I was not alone in my experiences. I never was alone, but I didn't understand this until I accepted Christ and became to immerse myself in God's Love and Word. Through strength in Christ and the shared stories and discussion I felt like I was no longer suffocating in my everyday life, I felt the wanting to live again. I felt myself opening up and sharing... through this journey I have learned how to forgive, really forgive - to let go, for me to to hold a wrong doing by someone is prideful, it not only hurts me, but hurts everyone I come into contact with, it keeps me from building REAL relationships with everyone including my own family. So I learned to let go and let God and live. Man that feels so good to not only say it but feel it. We are to forgive as it is obedient to the Lord - it is a choice and a decision that we make, when we take it to heart and give this forgiving thing a vigilant shot, we learn that this command is in our best interest as our reward in forgiveness is Freedom.

Staying angry @ others honestly just impairs our own ability to love and trust. In the end we hurt ourselves.

I am so thankful for the women's group @ FBCM - we learn together, cry together, laugh together, pray together ~ if you are a local friend and want to come along with me, please let me know! If you are a long distance friend I would love to help you with prayer, support group locations, and with some of the things I have learned. Feel free to comment!

Bless!

Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Today is Sunday, I have dropped two family sized pizza dough batches into 2 different bread makers to do the kneading :) - but I can't help think about todays service in church, we usually get there early before Sunday school -

This morning I was sitting there reading a 1 Samuel the covenant established between Jonathan and David... when I reflected on how some people make mission work their life, how people pick up their families and just implant them in other regions of the world sacrificing the comforts of our freedoms, extended family members and friends. How AWESOME I thought to be able to do that... and really I guess anyone can but how many are willing to say good bye to modern day conveniences in exchange for a poverty state 3rd world country? I know I wouldn't at least not anytime soon...

Anyhow I forgot today we had a guest speaker Pastor Sterling Edwards all the way from New York!! He is at a church called Crossroads Church of Long Island East - He had an amazing story to share.. and inspirational to try and make it short, he was born and raised here in Houston, Texas. His family is rooted here, but something pointed him and his wife to New York to start a church... yeah I know what's so inspirational about this? I can't remember the logistics and statistics that were given but basically only 3% of the population considered themselves as Evangelical Christians - and out of several million people on long island this is including the Bronx, Queens, and the communities around those - only a handful (literally) were baptist... I believe the number was 86% of people age 37 and under had NEVER stepped into a church... this is big and hits home with me as I could have easily fitted into that category @ the age of 36 (I am 38 now).

Pastor Sterling has a new approach to his community and that's what made me just open my ears and I just didn't hear what he had to say, my heart felt it and I just wanted to be able to do something. Financially the best I can do is tell somebody, and hope that somebody tells another somebody, hopefully reaching that community to tell someone maybe a loved one that there is a church that is just there to be friends to love on the community. This church can't just open the doors and wait for people to show up on Sunday morning, they are actually stepping out from behind the church doors out of their comfort zone and working with a body of unbelievers, showing them they want nothing but to share the love of Jesus Christ with them.

I realize I am not delivering his message impacting you the way he did to me and others this morning, but one thing I did hear ~ or took in was not to miss a chance of opportunity to share Jesus with another person - we tend to just keep our mouths fixed - I mean sure we will say God Bless you, Thank God, Praise the Lord in every day lingo, but how many of us will go out and really just talk about what Jesus did for you and me and everyone else's sins?? How Our eternal Father lifted us up out of our pit of sinful ruins giving us hope and life? What I believe from what I have experienced is that most of us stay in our comfort zone, and speak about God to people we know who love God and we do it in the privacy of our own homes, on the phone, or in church... anyone can do that... it takes a disciple to walk amongst the masses and speak of Gods love with out any reservations Paul's letter to Timothy states~ 2 Timothy 2:1,2: "Oh, Timothy, my son, be strong with the strength Christ Jesus gives you. For you must teach others those things you and many others have heard me speak about. Teach these great truths to trustworthy men who will, in turn, pass them on to others." (Living Bible)


We each have a choice to make a difference, I choose to step out of my comfort zone and share How God became apart of my life ~ and how others too can receive Christ. I choose to listen and say hi to somebody I don't know - after all everyone we meet is going through some sort of battle right now, wouldn't be awesome if being God's vessel could be the rope that person needs to see that they don't need to suffer in that battle alone... that they can surrender it and become free of it!? What will you choose to do?


Just one more thing I would like to share ~ I do believe God was speaking to me this morning as I was reflecting on families who move to other countries to do Gods work prior to the service, I had no idea what Pastor Sterling was going to speak about... but his message was what my heart needed to hear - Pastor Sterling was God's vessel for me this morning saying Lana - you can work right here in your own community as well in others around you which certainly I knew this however... I think I was stuck in my comfort zone....

Three Gifts

I don't have grandchildren yet, but with 4 children 2 that are young adults - I do anticipate having some in the future... and I hope to pass on valuable traditions, which has led me to thinking that this is a brilliant idea!

Christmas has always been a huge deal for me in giving gifts to our children, sadly I never had the gift of Christ behind it - it was always how many gifts can I put under the tree - most years it was small but still a lot depending on the budget of that year.

What were the three gifts that the wise man presented on that day they visited the King Jesus ~the very first Christmas?

The Gift of Gold~
Gold is of great value~ expensive. This gift could be that special gift that the child truly wants and of course the most precious thing they have been wishing for~ wrapped in gold paper .

The Gift of Frankincense~

Frankincense was the spice that was burned in the Temple during Jesus’ time. This gift could be one that will encourage growth in his or her spiritual walk. This gift could be a new Bible, devotion book, Christian music or even a Christian Movie.

The Gift of Myrrh~

In the Bible times Myrrh was a spice that was used to embalm the dead ~not such a sweet thought but it was said to be what Mary carried to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body. So how can we relate this to gift giving? The gift of Myrrh is the gift that covers the body. This gift could represent the gift of clothing, bath and body things and of course pajamas.

I love giving gifts and I think this could be a wonderful way to keep the focus on Jesus and HIS birthday.

FB "note" Repost When you are tired and broken. . .

I wanted this on here in my blog for personal reasons more so another place I can be reminded if there is never a mirror around to reflect visually on the Sinner I was and am on a smaller level today - I continue to strive to ask God for forgiveness and shape my heart into a loving, embracing person and ever so much to guard my tongue of judgement and to heal my innermost fears of not ever being enough... God has HEALED several of my flaws - one of the biggest was my language - I seriously am floored at not hearing myself curse anymore ~ even more so ~ I am floored when I hear others do so -- not so much because they do, but as a reflection of what I sounded like and who I may have offended... especially God.

It wasn't long ago that I released my old ways and became something renewed, not renewed as in a positive affirmation sort of way - While I totally believe in being positive... I believe we all dance @ some point in our lives on our own score card not considering anyone or anything else, even if it's only for a blink of an eye or in my case what seemed like an eternity of 30 plus years... It's crazy the more I give of myself because I feel compelled to, the more I have been Blessed - I have family members and friends asking me what's up? GOD is what is up - I have friends and family that do NOT believe in GOD - and I feel lost trying to explain where I am today - and have realized that I can't explain how incredible GOD is or how lighter everything feels even when things are chaotic - they aren't ~ because by FAITH - I know GOD has me in his hands. In a nutshell for me to try and explain how great HE is would be minimizing HIM because HIS love surpasses my vocabulary, my vision, my entire existence - So to those who don't know and ask me - I am speechless not because I don't know but because I DO KNOW of HIS Love - there will come a time I pray that my very own daughter will come to her knees and know God for the loving Father He is - as well as several friends until then -

Remember God Can Use Anybody!
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Mary Magdalene was...The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
..AND
Lazarus was dead!

I'm gonna praise HIS name.

Sometime's life is hard, I get that. Sometime's we are surrounded my negativity, fair weathered friends and relatives, or complete strangers with impeccable timing that makes me want to run in to my comfort zone. Since I have last posted I have observed a lot of stuff and I see myself transforming.

I weighed myself the other day... my scale came in and Good grief I have gained some weight... again - I can only assume it has been the fast food that we have eaten over the summer... we normally avoid it but on the run sometimes it is just easier, but harder in the long run. So a friend of mine introduced me into a weight loss thing she has done and she looks fabulous - I researched it a bit as I have never been one to diet - as most often it seems unrealistic - but this one sounds and looks different promising instant results and ongoing results. At first I wasn't going to do the whole blog about it or vlog - but I need to if I can be an inspiration to anyone else - I want to be. I weigh a lot, and I am embarrassed to say how much just yet, but when I get my stuff in for the diet I will bare all - my height weight, progress and maybe even a video snippet?

So onto other things - we sold Olivia a couple of weeks ago - that was fun and something I do not want to do again, Pigs can be scary when made to do things they don't want to do! Daisy Donkey is also here, gosh she is so adorable, funny and has a wonderful disposition! We have sold several birds over the last 2 weeks and have pretty much completed the fenced in area she is in, I need to get a few more gates but for now we are using extra cattle panels.

Tony Evans - wow what an incredible vessel for God - he just speaks so wonderfully - we all have that potential to be a wonderful vessel for God - we just need to ask God to use us as he will. Mostly we need to just give our lives to God and not be stubborn and kick our feet when he presents us with opportunity.

Bible Studies - both of my studies are coming to an end, some what relieved yet saddened - I was so overwhelmed with the double homework! I have been so blessed to grow closer in Gods word, I have learned so much and finally grasping it all and a new understanding of things. Just let go and let GOD is so easy to say but in the life of a sinner and doer - it presents a challenge, a challenge I find myself in constant prayer over. I have learned that there is true forgiveness, a forgiveness where you can let the horrible wrong things stop controlling you or weighing on your shoulders. I have learned to guard my mouth more... my thoughts not so much - I am working on that. The study of David is in the Spring and I am surely going to attend that one *God Willing*. I thirst for Gods words more than I know and only wish I knew him earlier on in life.

So with all of that, I am off for a bit to tend to life :)

Clucking For Jesus? What?

What is clucking for Jesus? I wanted to make a blog for our family and our recent choice over 2009 to accept Christ 110% (meaning in everything we do no half stepping) into our lives. The clucking part comes from our other path... we have always loved animals and over the years of taking in animals that needed a home Fortuna's Garden & Sanctuary came about. I know, I know what does this have to do with clucking and such ~ Fortuna's Garden is not your average animal rescue - we try to rescue without walls - primarily for small livestock the things that you won't find @ your local humane shelter. Our main focus Is God, Family, and chickens! Thats right you read correctly... chickens along with ducks, geese, other birds/fowl, and small livestock (goats, pigs, sheep, llamas, rabbits etc.) God loves us all this includes his creatures and sadly every year around Easter people want to purchase dyed ducks and chicks because they are soooo cute! These babies grow up and require maintenance that your average house pet would not include, so people dump their ducks in parks... where they have no natural instinct to survive as they has been breed to be in the backyard or on a farm... and the chicks end up on craigslist, freecycle or just dumped on a country road, lost and bound to be prey to an unsuspecting predator. Please feel free to sit back and enjoy our adventure and our daily experiences with the Lord, our family and animals.