"Merry Go Round"

Some of you know it has been a long time dream of mine (over 20 yrs) to be a foster adoptive parent - it was almost a year ago when my husband was ready to take the plunge and felt the calling  on his heart too...

This is for those of you who have thought about it...  It took us about 4 months to get all of our paperwork in, background checks, FBI Prints, upgrades/purchases (fire extinguishers etc) and home study -  it then took the agency we went with almost another month to complete the home study and license. We had our license for almost 2 weeks within in those 2 weeks we had 3 calls for various broadcast - on the 3rd one we were selected - for 3 siblings ages 4, 3, 10 months! We were tickled...

 What we didn't know is that the 2 boys more so the older one had emotional needs and then some (this was totally fine with us). Within almost 4 months... their room was in a nutshell destroyed Berber carpet and children who like to smear feces do not mix - the looping and texture is near next to impossible to clean! The numerous toys destroyed, sheet rock damaged, dining room chair, music cds, a karaoke machine as well as my sanity! Those kiddos were placed in a new home for an extended story we can save for another time... needless to say it was NOT because I gave up on them.

Foster care is not a glamorous thing, I hear over and over

1. That's such a nice thing you are doing - My honest response - I am not trying to be nice, I am doing something that I feel in my heart needs to be done... Something where we can actually see and make a difference on some level, if even for a handful of  days, weeks or months.... even with all the frustration of caseworkers (my current fs X has a wonderful cw), a broken system, accusations from bio parents (HA!), endless appointments (my current fs has 5 therapist, a psychologist, orthopedic, pulmonary specialist, neurologist and someone else I am sure I am forgetting) and a lack of support and dirty looks from those who think the child who is swinging from store displays is yours and you need to do something about it.... it's not about being Nice - for me it's about loving a child who's world is broken, knowing I can't fix it - but the love of my God can... and I can introduce them to Him... and prayerfully hope that I can display just a fraction of His love while they are with us daily. 
2. Hey I hear there is decent money to be made - My honest response - Are you serious?? The gas alone in Doctor appointments for current fs eats up a minimum of half of his reimbursement... the other half covers diapers, wipes, food, clothes etc.
3. I couldn't give them back I'm afraid I would be too attached - My honest response - Do you think I am heartless and that I am NOT attached? This ministry is NOT about me - I Love the lyrics in "Hosanna" "Break my heart for what breaks yours" God has expanded my love more so than I ever thought imaginable... I have been taught so many applicable lessons in the short time we have done this... I mean if one child ONE child could have me stand protective of  him as a mama lion would of her own cub - can you IMAGINE the capacity of love and protection our GOD has for each of us when we are hurt or saddened????  Truth is - we are all His children, and @ some point we all have to give up our own biological kids, whether it's to kindergarten, college, marriage, death, the world.... they are temporarily ours to shape, mold and love... the same goes for children in foster care - we are adopted into God's kingdom it's a natural calling to be His hands and feet on earth. I can only pray that I do a decent job doing it and when I'm not He checks me, convicts me, and points me in the right direction.... More so important ministry work isn't supposed to be a cakewalk... there are trial and tribulations, happy, sad, frustrating and a sleuth of other emotions - all I know is I couldn't turn my head away from a child who was sad, hurting, or needing love and attention, there are thousands of children in our country let alone world who need someone to care, someone to push aside their own needs and get over the fact that there will be tears and heartache but it's worth it... for us it is.
4. I would do that too, if I had more time - My honest response - Do you think I had nothing else to do I mean Time?? I forgot what that was... what I do know is somehow God makes time I just have to choose how to utilize it efficiently. 

My merry go round consist of this... We were licensed less than a year ago... our first placement was 3 children 2 months after we had them our 4th placement came in... and we were told he was an adoptable placement - which we were excited about... since then our first 3 children have been moved to a new home... we still have X but his situation is uncertain... he has a good cw in his corner fighting for his safety as well as her supervisor, I am unsure about his ad litem..., and the judge - well I can't give an honest opinion without knowing what in the world is going on inside the courthouse... all I know is we have a little boy who can't really talk just yet (has a vocab of about 40 words) that is having to have unsupervised visits with someone who has possibly broken multiple bones (13) through out his tiny body --- visits are on Sundays from 9 to 4... this little guy screams and cries and can't tell anyone why - where is the justice in this and whose best interest is this for anyhow??? My fear is that he is returned and damaged even more so than now... 

I sit back and take a break to reflect what I have written thus far and have lost my purpose in this post... LOL - I can only laugh at this point because all of my other emotions are on reserve for all of the above, have been exhausted, do not function - you get the idea...

In the nuttiest part of it all - we are instructed on a certain amount of interaction we are supposed to do as far as social/religious/cultural/behavioral/outings/educational/developmental - between all the appointments/foster logs/cw visits/phone calls/bio visits/ there is little time to be just "chill-axed mom" and to top it off I am on a count down on days of having to transfer agencies due to our current one no longer covering region 6 as of 1/1/2012...

So if I miss bible study, look like I need to comb my hair or at best remove the gum from it, have baby socks hanging out my back pocket,  show up to church with kiddie snot rubbed on my shoulder... I apologize - My merry go round is going fast and I am keeping up by a thread of faith.

I wouldn't trade our journey for anything @ this moment as crazy as it has been... I know our God is faithful and we too are faithful and all this busyness is just preparation for the next season! 

Do All Dogs Go To Heaven?

It's been 5 days since our Moses has passed, and to write about it is awfully painful.

Moses is our Great Pyrenees - I say is because he is still with us as if he were one of our kids... I walk through the house and find one of his toys, his leash his favorite resting spot... His big nose nudging under the highchair cushion hoping to find some tender yummy morsels our foster son may have left behind.... he is everywhere I look and it is painful. Moses was only 10 months old and he lived a full life - protecting our livestock, kids and our home. He was well mannered, stinking cute and a professional snorer if there ever was one.... 

Moses came inside Saturday night and wasn't interested in the table scraps we had that evening which was odd @ best.  He kind of came around to each of us for a pet and went back into the front yard to take up his guarding post for the night - around 2 am on Sunday I heard Jedi barking by the chicken cages and woke Joseph up to go see what he was barking at... in the meantime I sat up and realized I only heard one bark... so I too got up and opened the front door and called Moses, he was way up front he lifted his head but wouldn't come to me... about that time Joseph came back in from the back and I told him about Moses behavior. He went to check on him as I stood in the door... he came back and we didn't really exchange words aside that he didn't feel good... around 5 am I went to check on him again... I called him from the front door to see if he would raise his head and he wouldn't I looked closer and he looked deflated, this time I walked across the yard the dirt was cold and damp and the air was still some how I just knew he was gone :(... I stood above Moses and called his name once more hoping that he would open his eyes and I knelt over when he didn't to pet him on his head and he was gone. Joseph and Tre' prepared a burial for him that morning before church and he was laid to rest under a shade tree.... where he loved to rest. I didn't make it to church that day, well I did but I was a mess and never made it in the doors.  His death made no sense, he was up to date on all vaccines, and regimens - he was healthy- he was kept in the yard or indoors, we are a little suspicious someone may have poisoned him.. or he got into something when he got out Wednesday - 

Which has me asking do animals souls go to heaven? Of course I love the ideal that they do? But my question is real, do they?? and can someone lead me to the scripture that says they do or do not? 

Thing is... Sunday before last Brother Larry was teaching on Revelation in Sunday school class and talking about our earthly tents coming down eventually.. he mentioned he did 2 funerals the day before one for a 50 something yr old woman and another that was in her 70's... which one did we all think was expected of course most of us said the one in her 70's and he said no... the one in her 50's had suffered from a disease... and knew her time was coming.  We have a dog named Mufassa who has tumors... and is old and his time is just ticking - and we are prepared for the vet to put him down or for him to pass on his own... but Moses @ only 10 months old was just way too soon :(

Carpet Cleaner For Hire?

We have a semi new Great Pyrenees puppy "Moses"... 

adorable as he is ~ house breaking is almost done however this is a super size me pup I swear he is like quadrupled in size since we got him this past February.... look...

I know I know he is stinking cute, while  he is almost potty trained he still has his occasional accidents... which even after steam cleaned once there is still a spot, it takes 2 or 3 times of the steam cleaner to remove them, or a serious pre~treatment.  This is where the story gets good, stick with me here... 

Sunday after church we came in and the sunlight hits that ugly carpet just right as the door opens which reveal... cleaned spots that still show, so I ask my 13 yr old Sabrina to please pre~treat the spots... "yes mama" in her sweet little voice. I go sit at the dining room table with a friend who came over as well... I hear Bri and Noel in there spraying and talking away, and Sabrina asked Noel to get another can of the carpet stuff... this stuff is awesome it sprays on a lather thick like shaving cream all nice and foamy and dissolves normally with no problem. It was time for my friend to go about 30 minutes later we walk past the living area and about 10 white spots sitting there nicely absorbing everything... we leave this stuff on to do its thing until the white vanishes.  Our day gets busy as usual and we end up outside doing more stuff...  go to bed etc.

Good Morning Monday!  I got up to let the dogs out, and when I turn on the hall light I see the white spots still there, and thought how strange???

So I go over to look a bit closer and well the carpet foam looks not so foamy but still there??? 

See??

UGH! That oh poop feeling shooting through my mind, realizing something is horribly not right!!  Stairwell light flings on... SABRINAAAAAAAAAA, mind you its all but 5ish in the morning... Sabrina appears at the top of the stairs, yes momma? Hon can you pleaseee get me the carpet cleaner you used?  Yes mam... so she zips past me and heads to where all the chemicals are kept... and brings me the can of KILZ????? OH CRAP! Sabrina honey why did you use this, she said, I thought It looked a little funny going on... I ran out of the other can of carpet max... asked Noel (her 12 yr old sister to get another can) I looked at it mom when it looked funny and the can said odor and stain blocker/remover... , so I look @ the can and sure enough :-O the front of the can said nothing about paint... it did say primer at the bottom but how was she to know?? LOL she saw the words stain and odor blocker/remover and that was good enough for her! At this point all I could say was, man this carpet sucks, and yes I want new flooring but not like this... all I could do was laugh because I was too shocked to muster up any tears worthy of shedding! Sabrina felt horrible, I told her it was OKAY it was a sincere accident.. and she did attempt to reconfirm the label, so my next week involves lots of hot water and manual scrubbing I'll let you know of any success ;o) 

Upon telling my parents what had happen my dad was kind enough to ask if it removed the stains... LOL while there are no more dark spots ... there is certainly a new stain. several of them

I love my kids and have to find the humor in things no matter how costly at times.

great Pyrenees pup - few hundred bucks

1 can of carpet cleaner 6 bucks

1 can of primer... 5 bucks

new flooring... I don't even want to know

crazy memories ~ priceless